winter break: week 1

Ryan during No Shave November. Hes a goof

Mad and me went together to the David Arc. concert. TEARS

TWinning.

At church the teacher had us each take a selfie to help us learn about self worth. Of course I have imperfections but I really do love me and my life and I just see happiness :)

There isn't a single normal picture of us

They came to Rexburg and let me eat with them

Joe Joe is always the kindest at giving my shoulder massages. What a great kid

Cutie lil sista. 6 MONTHS TO GO

Pre hair redid...them roots

Recap of June- Dec

Its my last week of 20-hood. If that is even a thing (it is, this year was one to remember). Sometimes I look at my life and have soo much time and have done so much and have so much time to grow and other moments I realize how much I need to do while im still young and can learn easily and am a fit lil body. haha whatevs. I am going to stay in shape forever (how else am I supposed to get Robert from his chair to his bedroom hhhaha--not even kidding though). On a side note, I am SO excited for Fall semester when Jen and Rob are both in Rexburg with me. Its going to be life changing I can already tell and i laaave that. So much could change by then. So much has changed from May to now. and I love it.
So little bit of a recap since I totally left this blog in the past but didn't do a great recording job along the way:
so June-- Basically dated and broke up with Tanner Wilson (short lived;aint even mad)
Went on my first date with Ryan Wilkinsen. I loved it..crushing pretty hard on that guy.
July-Bike ride in Montana with Dad Tom Joe and Andy. It was a blast. and was so beautiful. I love this Earth and want to just keep seeing its beauties.
The Miller Reunion was also in July. This year the mountain literally caught on fire right during mom cooking so our lil fam went to the other side of the lake and ate dinner and watched the fire hahah. fun moment. I love my fam
We went boating alot in July-my fav, i wish i wouldve tried more stuff
Grandma and me went to the fair to get berries and cream YUM
August- Leah came to visit and we had a bombin time. Berries and boating and Youth Conf hahah I love that she came to help me with that silliness.
Mom took tom joe and me to Lagoon. it was so fun. i missed jen so much though
I was living with the Parkers (Heavenly family can I just say). They treated me like a queen. they are way too good. Morgy is so precious.
Went on some dates with Ryan's friend Todd..totally not going to be a thing hahah
September- Working for the city and University Relations. I didn't hate doing that actually haha it was fun to catch up with Kayd (attempted going on a date, never felt so awkward) and Shelby (little nugget) also luckily it was short due to school starting. I was really nervous to live with Maddie for some reason and MAN WAS I WRONG. I loved being her roomie more than anything. basically being her roomie= laughing and laughing and laughing. I have never been so happy hahaha. I hung out with Kirsten a bit, went on a hike with her friends and built a kite with our fhe brothers.
Seriously LOVE being maddies room, cant say that enough. Even with the problems we had (boy related, we always figured it out).
October-school is so hard and i love it and am so stressed but love it hahah
there was a relief society sleepover. I didn't think i was going to like the wrad still at this point (so wrong again haha) but the party was fun :)
Leah got struck by sickness and surgery, basically spent the next couple weeks on facetime with her lovely self. I was so impressed when Ryan went to visit her.
Dylan Turnbow asked me on some dates. What a sweet guy. Hes actually really great, but I don't feel like hes what I want..but what do I want?? Lots of fun with him though.
Ryan asked me out on lots of dates too..devo and caves and other fun things...and I invited him to grandmas halloween party (it was just going to be us but grew into maddie leah and logan too). Ryan held my hand on the drive home, i died, I really was wanting this hahah
Novemeber I LOVE ALISE AND ANGELA AND HOLLY. they are my favorite people and they are so talented and soooo funny.
Ryan and I started officially dating :))) I am a happy chicken about that. It took awhile actually (miscommunication, coldsores, other boys, etc) Happy about how everything panned out though. We learn alot from each other. Spent all of November and December worrying that he would dump me at the end of the semester (while he spent the semester thinking about what funny thing he would do with Alec;Life in Provo)....lol..
We went to Gold bug hot springs (love) and did haunted stuff (love) and hung out alot (love) and went on lots of drives to pretty places (first kiss happened like that)
I voted for my first time!!!! I voted for Trump so hopefully that wont backfire in the next four years
I went to the temple (i dont go as often as i did in the summer)
Gerardo and Alise make work soooo fun hahah
More dates with Ryan
Holly came to Soda with me. I am excited to live with her in the Winter
Thanksgiving was a happy time, we got the christmas tree, things got even better with Ry, it snowed, and it meant no shave novemeber was almost done (rys mustache)
December (aka nowish): I went to the Christmas concert with Maddie. I love that girl.
Mom and Dad took me out to eat
Finals took me down hhahah
RYan and me broke up but also decided that was super dumb and now back together and things havent ever been better. so :) My fam has been doing the lead up to christmas.

Been thinking about thayn and everyone affected all day

Love my co workers and Jed  so kind to me

I LOVE Maddie and Kat SO MUCH hahahah they're my favorite people in my life rn. I laugh so much with them

Style guide

Stake social, wanted to be social but ended up hanging out with Ryan and Jacob haha. 

Cards with Jennie mads Jacob and Ryan. It actually sucked

Got to go grocery shopping

Texted tanner all day, going to devo with him tomorrow 

Sunday the 15th of May

I got to go to ward council today. I am glad I don't have to go often, I don't feel like I was much help there. I am grateful for Kat today because Leah is gone; Mikayla is always with Collin; Maddie and Jennie are fighting so she's been my person. Maddie has been too but she's just been sad. I have enjoyed getting close to them. :) 

Church was intense. I spoke about service and was SO NERVOUS up there and could barely function jaha  people were really kind to me afterwards thankfully. 

I also taught family history class. It was kind of a train wreck but what do ya do. I just love doing family history :) I love the gospel. 

I got to go visiting teaching with Kat and then my home teachers (Dallis and Madison) came. 

I made an awesome quesadilla and am watching the Best two years. Later tonight I am running the Family Hosptey activity.  Busy Sunday :)

Tonight I called grandma and chatted with her a bit. She's so kind for being interested in my life. I also got to skype mommy which I always love. It'll be fun to see her this weekend. 

I hosted the family history party with Adam. Not a huge turn out but we were able to focus in on people and help Maddie Seth and Jacob find temple work! :) I was chatting with Broana and Stephanie and was loving talking to them so I followed them to their apartment and was there for like 4 hours hahaha laughing so much. I love them!! And I love that Stephanie really knows Jen :) I am going to hang out with them more. 

I came home to Maddie and Jennie hanging out in my room and waiting for me haha. I am glad they are getting along now cause I can't live that double sided life. 

I found out thayn attkins committed suicide tonight. My heart is heavy. I want my life to be changed by this. I want to be more aware and also make a difference in people's life; a reason to keep trying. 

My heart breaks for Robert and their friends. I hope this experience can bring them to the truth and strengthen them. 

"Each life that touches ours for good" 

Lately I

Leah is in Norway to pick up Alyssa from the mission! It's so fun for her :) 

What a sweetie. Mikayla took my phone and finished skyping her while I went on my date with Ben. Who is Ben? Ben worked with me on my first day of work as a project manager. We went on a hike to the Teton dam with a group. It was kind of weird but pretty fun haha. We ate at Applebee's afterwards. Ben and me competed drinking the most lemonade. We both ended up sick hahaha and a lot of leftovers which was perfect because I haven't grocery shopped in a while haha. 

It was so pretty out there. 

I've been running with Casey Carpenter. We went out and around nature park then did ab workouts. :)

Sean's birthday was the 13th so Michael him Taylor and me went out to eat. It was really fun. I love those friends of mine. 

On Saturday I went on a day date with Mike! We exploded a watermelon, threw waterballoons at each other and played egg roulette. 

On Tuesday and Wednesday I got to go to the temple once Tuesday night while Leah did baptisms and I enjoyed the peace then Wednesday morning to baptize family :) 

I went out to eat by myself. My first date with myself!! Haha plus it was exactly what I wanted :) love love love

Leah is allowing me to use her computer while she's gone so I have been able to work and make my 8 semester plan. Hooray! 

Soapbox photos!

Here's my work crew!! So it could be my last day of soapbox??? Which would be sad cause it was picture day haha. These people are my fav we have so much fun. Plus they're great designers. 

Design has been hard because nothing ever seems good enough and I am never creative enough. But creativity isn't a competition. 

I decided to go home tomorrow. 

I went to Collins baseball game tonight. It was so nice! And we played around for awhile which was fun  I also saw Casey carpenter and we are going to start running again. 

I also took Maddie and Leah's pictures today and they turned out sooo cute!

Turning outward

I'm I've been so caught up in myself lately (which is reasonable, there's a lot going on) but today I really tried to turn outward. I was in Anastaiias photoshoot at work, I took off time to eat lunch with Leah, I made French toast with Leah in the morning, water colored and sent out the stuff for Jen and friend, I bought pizza and picnicked/ shared with Leah. I took Leah to porters to buy stuff for her mom. I tried going on a bike ride with Leah (fail). I let Leah join me at the gym even though when she comes nothing happens haha. I let Collin and Mikayla take my car to swing dancing so then I didn't get to go grocery shopping and had to walk to the hart building. I watched Star Wars. I played skip bo with friends (wasn't a huge service but usually I go watch friends or would be working). I chatted with Maddie instead of going to bed early. 

I called mommy (that was mostly her service to me) 

Grandma sent me a cute letter and temple name :)

Hailey texted me! It's so good catching up. 

Jed is so encouraging at work. Such a blessing. 

Ian was really friendly at the ward party which means a lot to me. No one else hardly noticed I was there

Someone fixed my bike (except it's still broken haah)

Leah brought me lunch 

Leah was extra babying me during skip no (great intentions though)

Ben from work asked me on a date. 

People are always so kind to me. I'm glad I was able to step back and help today to remember that serving others gives life and even when things are sooo stressful, they are bearable through love and kindness. 

The one where Leah falls out the window

Well she almost did. It was crazy. And so funny hahah I love her so so much. We spent the last couple hours watching friends and it's so good lately!!! Hahah we also did a safety check so we don't get kidnapped haha also we can't stop laughing right now. :) 

Also Leah is obsessed with this haha

Also I was literally pissed last night literally literally hahahah I am in shock it's so dumb

We did a lunch picnic yesterday and a dinner picnic today :) 

Breakfasts are my new favorite 

Beautiful haha 

I went to the gym tonight with Nick. Cycling and abs. It was killer and awesome and there were so many babes there tonight. That guy from west side was there. I would die if he asked me on a date. Do it boy! Haha 

I got asked on a date with Ben from university relations. I saw it coming honestly haha

Sean was out of control today at work. He needs sleep so he isn't so insane haha

Tried gyming with the hookibob distracting haha

We did family history :) 

I have two baptisms this week to do :) Hattie and Little. Yay!

It's gonna be May (me) -nsync

Leah and me went to the temple this morning. It took hours and was kind of crazy but such a blessing to go. We were able to get 15 family names done :) even tender mercies like we were only able to do 10 of the 15 confirmations and as soon as we went out a girl wanted to do some confirmations without baptisms so she did mine! It was perfect! 

I'm almost finished with these water colors! Yay :)

I think I'm allergic to my soap haha idk

I went on a date with Michael today. He's roomies and dates and us! We ate millhollow then went to the dunes and played around then played pool then what are the odds haha it was really fun and funny the whole time!

Leah and me went to Jess and Zachs open house 

They looked great of course! I'm so happy for them. We were super rushed to leave which was heartbreaking because we wanted to stay and hangout with them. I love Jess so much. So so so much. 

Squad squad

After the open house, I went to the work party at Jed's. I had to pick up like everyone hahahah. It was super fun though. I was dreading going because I wanted to stay at the open house but I'm glad I went. I feel way closer to my work mates :) 

This is from the night we hung out with Danny Clint and Dirk 

This is from when I made breakfast for dinner for Leah and me

It's 1:35 and I wish I was sleeping

I didn't mean to be up so late jahah I am going to the temple at 7:30 tomorrow and I'm so excited!!! I have family names (from the ward) and a family name I need to get sorted out. Yay :) family work is amazing. I'm grAteful to be apart of it. 

So today was really good!!!

1. It's Maddies birthday and I love her sooo much!!!! And Jennie is a saint and made her breakfast of crepes (I was a bit bummed because I didn't know if anyone was doing anything for Maddies birthday so I bought $20 worth of breakfast/cute things for her that she never got to appreciate, but me and Leah ate for dinner). 

2. Work was so packed and busy and I love those days that there isn't time to be bored. Also Jed is trying to save my jobs (cause apparently I might have to quit soapbox. It's in the works) 

3. I worked out!!! And made a cute dinner for Leah and me. You love those who you serve and it definitely made me remember why I love that girl

4. I painted SO MUCH tonight!!! I'm almost finished with all the stuff for Jen! And need to get cracking on Mother's Day. And stuff for work, but one thing at a time. 

5. I got to hang out with Mikayla and Leah because everyone else was gone. I love those positive ladies. They're great. 

6. Ryan came to town and apparently all of a sudden I have a crush on him (honestly I am crushing hard on males in general hahaha) but it was really fun having him back around for the moment. He cracks me up and is also so annoying but so sweet but so thoughtless and ah he drives me nuts but I'm so sad he isn't sticking around. 

Why does he always take these dumb selfies on my phone hahaha

7. I've been thinking about grandma tonight. I love her and wish I could visit her everyday. It's a long life being lonely. I can't quite relate but with Jen being gone and being single for the longest period in awhile, I've been recognizing the word Lonely. I'm grateful for the gospel. 

8. I am over Parker, it wasn't even a thing haha I just feel dumb for ever making it into something. But I am fine with nothing happening. The kid I had a crush on my first semester from American foundations is friends with Maddie and Jennie though and it kills me having him around. HES THE GREATEST THING. Plus he smiles at me and even saw me around and said hi Jamie and I didn't even know he knew my name. So I actually don't want anything to happen with him because I'm way too childish about the whole idea hahaha. Glad he's around though ;)

Monday 4/

It's always interesting at the end of the day when you know you could've done more, been kinder and more thoughtful. I'm so grateful for the atonement and the second chances we can have. What a blessing. 

I've been a real cow lately and just wanted to be left alone to work and relax. I really should be spending time with Leah who has been so sad and alone. I have been very selfish. 

I got over myself by 8 tonight and tried to make a difference but I think it was too late cause she's just so sad (I think because she wanted to help me be happy but I just needed space). I took her on a bike ride that turned into driving around in my car looking for a place to fill the tires to lying in the grass by rexburg Rapids or whatever then playing IO BALL haha and then we did a little scavenger hunt in broliums and got icecream :) we came back and watched pirates of the Caribbean until Leah started falling asleep. When everyone asked her how she was doing she wouldn't be happy so I don't think anything I did was affective. I need to figure out what I can do tomorrow to help. 

I missed writing Jen :( so disappointing becuase I dropped everything all day to wait for her to write. Dang

FHE is stressful to me because Maddie and Jennie are so controlling and only let things go their way. It's hard to be patient sometimes. 

Leah just slept-said "excuse me can you please stop talking" (cause Mikayla is talking haha) and sprinted at the door and fell into it "I fell into the sewer" then I went and told Mikayla to be a bit quieter and came back to Leah crying because she wanted to give a hug and everyone ran away so we hugged until she fell deep into sleep again. What a sweetie. 

This is the picture of me on the soapbox website right now haha 

Back to the burg

I'm glad I went to Salt Lake City. I needed a break from everything. And even though I still have the same problems; maybe even more now, I am so much happier and have more love towards everyone now. 

At work we went on an adventure to the Hawaii room haha Jed is a crack up and the other friends are amazing. I love my job. Soapbox has been amazing too and I'm on some life changing projects and also have never been closer to Sean and Michael. I found out today I might have to quit soapbox because of some campus rule? I'll be heartbroken. I hope it can all be figured out. :/ 

We celebrated Maddies birthday at Olive Garden tonight. I love that gal sooooo much. She's definitely one of my best friends now. I'm so happy to live with her and go through things with her. :) I hope she has a beautiful birthday tomorrow. 

RI RI CONCERT

Olivia and me went to the Rihanna concert! It was so great. She is sooo talented!!! The first act by Travis Scott was bad hahaha I did not enjoy that! Plus so much swearing all night by everyone everywhere. I am glad I don't have to be around that in rexburg. What a relief. 

I met Olivia's boyf. He's rad! Funny guy and so sweet to Olivia so I'm a fan. 

The trip to SLC was hectic. I am still using the flip phone so no gps or anything= lost Jamie. I was very frustrated and stressed and emotional. Poor everyone on the road who had to deal with me. I'm extra grateful for mom who put up with 10s of calls and emotions. And the lady at the gas station who got me back on track. Craziness for sure. 

I'm glad Rihanna's sang songs like live your life and umbrella cause I didn't know any of her new ones haha. 

Sunday 24/4

Another rainy cold day in soda hahah of course

Church was great 

I sat with the Chapman girls in sacrament meeting to help heather out. They're adorable. 

I am going to work on having a light about me because I know of Christ and am learning of him. I can be a beacon of him. 

Mom made a yummy dinner and Joe made pb brownies :) it was fun being wth the family. 

Matt headed to Provo to live for the summer. 

Grandma gave me gas money :) I love her. She saved me too because I couldn't find my wallet so her $20 saved me

I got to visit Kempe before I left. I love that guy so much. It was great seeing him. 

The ride was safe. I decided once I have kids, I will not speed. So I practiced now haha. It was relaxing really. 

I didn't end up dropping off that jewelry to Michelle black et. And I didn't visit jakendra yet. I really suck sometimes. I did message Brittney though and talked to her a bit. I need to prepare for Maddies birthday?!?! It's super soon. 

Saturday the 23th continued

So I tried everything in my power to be happy and to change my mood. Good breakfast, cleaned, worked out, etc. I talked to mom for a bit and decided that I really needed to just come home. So I packed up and came home. Thankfully because I would've been so grumpy at everything all day.

I cracked the windshield pretty bad on my way. Yippee 

 It was great eating dinner with grandma Tammie Dee Taylor some Nortons and my fam. :) it was also so fun to go to Rob's prom--

- he's the prom king!!!!! I loved being there for such a fun moment. "You can call him queen bean" tune of Royals by Lorde hahah. Me Matt tom and Joe spent the night eating so much junk and having a headphone dance party. Really funny haha. Mommy rolled out my back and then I went to bed. It's so good to be in my own quiet room to just thinking and relax.