It's 1:35 and I wish I was sleeping

I didn't mean to be up so late jahah I am going to the temple at 7:30 tomorrow and I'm so excited!!! I have family names (from the ward) and a family name I need to get sorted out. Yay :) family work is amazing. I'm grAteful to be apart of it. 

So today was really good!!!

1. It's Maddies birthday and I love her sooo much!!!! And Jennie is a saint and made her breakfast of crepes (I was a bit bummed because I didn't know if anyone was doing anything for Maddies birthday so I bought $20 worth of breakfast/cute things for her that she never got to appreciate, but me and Leah ate for dinner). 

2. Work was so packed and busy and I love those days that there isn't time to be bored. Also Jed is trying to save my jobs (cause apparently I might have to quit soapbox. It's in the works) 

3. I worked out!!! And made a cute dinner for Leah and me. You love those who you serve and it definitely made me remember why I love that girl

4. I painted SO MUCH tonight!!! I'm almost finished with all the stuff for Jen! And need to get cracking on Mother's Day. And stuff for work, but one thing at a time. 

5. I got to hang out with Mikayla and Leah because everyone else was gone. I love those positive ladies. They're great. 

6. Ryan came to town and apparently all of a sudden I have a crush on him (honestly I am crushing hard on males in general hahaha) but it was really fun having him back around for the moment. He cracks me up and is also so annoying but so sweet but so thoughtless and ah he drives me nuts but I'm so sad he isn't sticking around. 

Why does he always take these dumb selfies on my phone hahaha

7. I've been thinking about grandma tonight. I love her and wish I could visit her everyday. It's a long life being lonely. I can't quite relate but with Jen being gone and being single for the longest period in awhile, I've been recognizing the word Lonely. I'm grateful for the gospel. 

8. I am over Parker, it wasn't even a thing haha I just feel dumb for ever making it into something. But I am fine with nothing happening. The kid I had a crush on my first semester from American foundations is friends with Maddie and Jennie though and it kills me having him around. HES THE GREATEST THING. Plus he smiles at me and even saw me around and said hi Jamie and I didn't even know he knew my name. So I actually don't want anything to happen with him because I'm way too childish about the whole idea hahaha. Glad he's around though ;)

Monday 4/

It's always interesting at the end of the day when you know you could've done more, been kinder and more thoughtful. I'm so grateful for the atonement and the second chances we can have. What a blessing. 

I've been a real cow lately and just wanted to be left alone to work and relax. I really should be spending time with Leah who has been so sad and alone. I have been very selfish. 

I got over myself by 8 tonight and tried to make a difference but I think it was too late cause she's just so sad (I think because she wanted to help me be happy but I just needed space). I took her on a bike ride that turned into driving around in my car looking for a place to fill the tires to lying in the grass by rexburg Rapids or whatever then playing IO BALL haha and then we did a little scavenger hunt in broliums and got icecream :) we came back and watched pirates of the Caribbean until Leah started falling asleep. When everyone asked her how she was doing she wouldn't be happy so I don't think anything I did was affective. I need to figure out what I can do tomorrow to help. 

I missed writing Jen :( so disappointing becuase I dropped everything all day to wait for her to write. Dang

FHE is stressful to me because Maddie and Jennie are so controlling and only let things go their way. It's hard to be patient sometimes. 

Leah just slept-said "excuse me can you please stop talking" (cause Mikayla is talking haha) and sprinted at the door and fell into it "I fell into the sewer" then I went and told Mikayla to be a bit quieter and came back to Leah crying because she wanted to give a hug and everyone ran away so we hugged until she fell deep into sleep again. What a sweetie. 

This is the picture of me on the soapbox website right now haha 

Back to the burg

I'm glad I went to Salt Lake City. I needed a break from everything. And even though I still have the same problems; maybe even more now, I am so much happier and have more love towards everyone now. 

At work we went on an adventure to the Hawaii room haha Jed is a crack up and the other friends are amazing. I love my job. Soapbox has been amazing too and I'm on some life changing projects and also have never been closer to Sean and Michael. I found out today I might have to quit soapbox because of some campus rule? I'll be heartbroken. I hope it can all be figured out. :/ 

We celebrated Maddies birthday at Olive Garden tonight. I love that gal sooooo much. She's definitely one of my best friends now. I'm so happy to live with her and go through things with her. :) I hope she has a beautiful birthday tomorrow. 

RI RI CONCERT

Olivia and me went to the Rihanna concert! It was so great. She is sooo talented!!! The first act by Travis Scott was bad hahaha I did not enjoy that! Plus so much swearing all night by everyone everywhere. I am glad I don't have to be around that in rexburg. What a relief. 

I met Olivia's boyf. He's rad! Funny guy and so sweet to Olivia so I'm a fan. 

The trip to SLC was hectic. I am still using the flip phone so no gps or anything= lost Jamie. I was very frustrated and stressed and emotional. Poor everyone on the road who had to deal with me. I'm extra grateful for mom who put up with 10s of calls and emotions. And the lady at the gas station who got me back on track. Craziness for sure. 

I'm glad Rihanna's sang songs like live your life and umbrella cause I didn't know any of her new ones haha. 

Sunday 24/4

Another rainy cold day in soda hahah of course

Church was great 

I sat with the Chapman girls in sacrament meeting to help heather out. They're adorable. 

I am going to work on having a light about me because I know of Christ and am learning of him. I can be a beacon of him. 

Mom made a yummy dinner and Joe made pb brownies :) it was fun being wth the family. 

Matt headed to Provo to live for the summer. 

Grandma gave me gas money :) I love her. She saved me too because I couldn't find my wallet so her $20 saved me

I got to visit Kempe before I left. I love that guy so much. It was great seeing him. 

The ride was safe. I decided once I have kids, I will not speed. So I practiced now haha. It was relaxing really. 

I didn't end up dropping off that jewelry to Michelle black et. And I didn't visit jakendra yet. I really suck sometimes. I did message Brittney though and talked to her a bit. I need to prepare for Maddies birthday?!?! It's super soon. 

Saturday the 23th continued

So I tried everything in my power to be happy and to change my mood. Good breakfast, cleaned, worked out, etc. I talked to mom for a bit and decided that I really needed to just come home. So I packed up and came home. Thankfully because I would've been so grumpy at everything all day.

I cracked the windshield pretty bad on my way. Yippee 

 It was great eating dinner with grandma Tammie Dee Taylor some Nortons and my fam. :) it was also so fun to go to Rob's prom--

- he's the prom king!!!!! I loved being there for such a fun moment. "You can call him queen bean" tune of Royals by Lorde hahah. Me Matt tom and Joe spent the night eating so much junk and having a headphone dance party. Really funny haha. Mommy rolled out my back and then I went to bed. It's so good to be in my own quiet room to just thinking and relax. 

Saturday the 23th

I'm so pms-y towards Leah I don't even know why that's how it always is. I need to go away everytime I'm on my period. Agh. 

I loved work on Friday. The different meetings and everyone being there made it sooo fun. :) I'm so grateful for that job. I also am in charge of making the shirts of soapbox. I don't even know where to begin?! So hopefully I can make something cool. 

I wanted to go home today (Saturday) for Roberts prom, but Leah made plans for us to hangout with Jess. I'm super bummed because I know how plans that Leah make go: they don't. Haha trying to be positive and careless about it. I just really wanted to leave. 

I spent a lot of time with Maddie yesterday and loved it. I just like to have real conversation with people and don't always feel like I get that from Leah. I need to chill. Haha

I hate my short hair. I want it all back but what do ya do. Sad day boo 

My office 

New things of April

Well my job is great. I definitely feel like a noob and am not good at bein friendly so I don't really have any friends there but I am productive and I think my boss hasn't given up on me yet. I am worried for soapbox that I won't get the files by when I need them :S so yikes but idk I'll let tomorrow worry about that. 

I prayed today for an opportunity to serve someone because I have been pretty selfish lately and haven't been looking for opportunities like that so today I did and I remembered the pictures Jen's missionary friend wanted so I calligraphified those and then I went running in the sun. At a crazy intersection a little girl asked me to help her cross the street so I did and realized the roads were pretty insane with traffic so I just walked her home the rest of the way. I can think to me at that age and it would've been so scary! Im so glad I got to be there for her in that small simple moment. 

Leah is the sweetest! She comes to campus to picnic with me everyday so far! I love her and her friendship so so much. 

Jen is doing so much better on her mission. What a blessing. I went on a walk with Brooke the other day and she talked about her similar situation with her testimony. I am grateful I got to talk to her about that. I love Brooke so much. I am glad Jen is on her mission, what a blessing she will be to so many. 

Rob is a promCandidate. I hope he wins hahahah

 Grandma is really getting into family history and that just makes me want to get more into it too. :)

I called Olivia and we chatted. I was so heartbroken because she told me her and Johny had sex last night (which she wasn't sad because she's been doing than stuff with Eric for months) but it still is sad because it isn't right. She isn't as happy, it is really interesting/ sad to see. I hope her and Johny can figure it out together. I love her and want the best for her. 

Parker asked me on a date tonight! I was in running clothes and was gross and sweaty and he still asked! probably regretted his decision right then and there but he still asked so?? Hahah yeah us and Mikayla/Collin went bowling! I was smiling and laughing genuinely the whole time. It's been a good couple of months since I had that good of a time on a date. Mikayla and Collin were so fun to double with too. I hope he asks me on another date  I am not head over heels or anything (yet) but there isn't a single red flag and that makes me want to get to know him better! Obviously haha. He's one of the first people up here that I have felt below their level, like he should be dating someone so much better and cooler and more talented than me. I'm trying to not get too attached at the beginning because of that (I'm sure he is aware of that too, which probably makes him more cautious about it all too) so we will see what happens

I'll be waking up at 3:00am (in 3 hours hahaha) to take Leah to the shuttle. She does so much for me, it rally is the least I could do yeeehaaaaa

Computer is toast... Again

Welp Ethan looked at my computer again and it is not a good situation. So that's super cool. I actually wouldn't be too bummed if 1. The REO files were backed up because they need them ASAP and 2. All my portfolio files for my BFA will now be gonzo. 

It's a hard pill to swallow. Basically, I'll be working my butt off like crazy in the next 4 months. It's going to be interesting. I've been very blessed though

-my phone is working again so I will still be able to email and keep in contact with work school and everyone

-i am taking the focus to school so I can come home often and work for Robert. I'll be doing that lots and lots by the sounds of my empty bank account. I am not in a prime situation with money but I'm going to be saving like crazy so I can go to Olivia's thing without needing to cry the whole time (I really have no money) this semester will be the semester where tithing is most important. 

-I was able to get lots of stuff on behance for my interview; they are just jpegs but that's better than nothing to show at all

-I get to have great roomies and a great Ward and a great calling

-it snowed today so I was ok with helping dad at heritage instead of laying in the sun

I haven't heard from Jen yet so that's good (I hope she's doing a lot better) 

I went to the temple with grandma and mom yesterday. Great experience. 

We shopped afterwards and I spent $70 (grandma gave me 20$ so that helps) but WHAT WAS I THINKING I'm pretty much saying that and my concert with Olivia are my fun costly things for awhile. 

Beautiful words

But then, to this very group who had themselves been turned away, Amulek says, “After [you] have [prayed], if [you] turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if [you] have [it], to those who stand in need--I say unto you, … your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and [you] are as hypocrites who do deny the faith.” What a stunning reminder that rich or poor, we are to “do what we can” when others are in need.

May we help fulfill that prophecy by coming in the power and glory of our membership in the true Church of Jesus Christ to do what we can to deliver any we can from the poverty that holds them captive and destroys so many of their dreams, I pray in the merciful name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Carlie's shopping

I'm honored to say that Carlie has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I am not a girly gusher or anything and she still invited me to come wedding dress shopping with her and her mom. I can never understand how she is so kind and loving towards me. I love her so much! I'm so excited for her and Dan. 

I wanted to get tan while I'm home but it's been rainy everyday so far hahaha 

Also I want to do this haha

Also can I just say how grateful I am that I get to spend so much time with grandma and so much time from mom. They both are incredible and there is so much to learn from both of them. Pool and icecream with grandma and a day with mom/ downtown abbey each night. I love them! I want to be like them!

Jen's scare

Jen gave us quite the scare today. She is struggling so much and doesn't know what to believe anymore. I never knew someone as strong as her could doubt so much. I know she will get through this but I still worry. I have been praying so so much and fasted all day for her. I am going to the temple tomorrow. I know she knows, she just needs to remember. I love that girl so much. God does too. She can be the most incredible missionary if she will hold tight and get through this rough patch. 

I've been reading moms journal for me (2001) and this was a thing about us getting shots. Jen's always been the brace one, the more focused one. She will get through. 

I've also been reading the Peterson family history (grandma greats side). It's incredible how empowering it is to just learn more about the family before me that has planted me where I am. How blessed I am to get to know them better. I cant wait to be reunited with them again :) 

I also want to be more thoughtful in my studying. Questions to find things on my own. I've never doubted any of the truths, not really, just myself. I have a hard time believing I'll be able to fulfill everyone expected of me maybe? I don't know but I am still trying to give it what I can and more. Especially how I am noticing how quickly Saran can act. 

More of my life with shlee

I want to go to the nursing home lots and lots in the spring 

No sleep and homework = falling asleep hahaha

It was SO HOT so we hung out the window at 2 am 

That one time we went off reading and got stuck and tried digging ourselves out for hours. Then we prayed. Then help came. We love God 

We always sleep sharing the bear for a pillow. 

First frip to the new Walmart. I saw the man I want to marry. #estatic 

The ski-less ski trip

Same trip. I love these ones

Picnic on our beds of pizza juice and Italian music with the shlee

I love that jennies a florist. Our apartment is always beautiful 

Surprise party for Leah. Success! 

Awkward family photo. I love them 

Me always. Oh dear

Best birthday I have ever planned 

Life with Leah

So God is always blessing me ALOT

On Leah's birthday before the fun bike ride adventure

I had to do an art project on campus until midnight so Leah came and helped me hang it all up. It was terrible so I'm glad she came to lighten the mood

Our beautiful apartment

Candies from Hawaii!!

Leah thinks pictures of me with my camera are the bees knees 

Typical 

Working in the clubhouse until 2 am because graphic design is insanity 

Also Leah is the best

Fun day in island park that I got paid to be a model. No biggy 

I hate grocery shopping so much so it's a miracle in smiling in this picture hahaha

Almost dead from homework and starvation. And Brady was in the living room and I didn't want him there. Haha

Warmest day of the semester. Hammock hanging and jamming